I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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