This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
