my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Still dying that you shit outside
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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