why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
