A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
