Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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