their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All the doctor said was why
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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