Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize