You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
