I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
