Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
