What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
