i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
