He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
sex in a hospital.. check
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
