a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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