M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
