She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
