I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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