soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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