I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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