I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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