I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
