here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
