So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
