For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
