so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
