Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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