dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
