Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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