your room smells of hookers.
And success
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
