i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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