fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
