She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
