Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
mondays should just be called national damage control day
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize