I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize