Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
