Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
