oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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