that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
