There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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