Dual....:-)
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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