At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
