Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
