Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
