I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
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