i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
