well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
