I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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