If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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