Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
