You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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