Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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