Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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