Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
