By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
