I looked at my own cervix.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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