i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
