Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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