Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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