My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
