Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
