these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
