fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
