Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
