GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize