I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
