I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize