I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
