you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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