Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
