fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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