so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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