i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
