I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
whose ass print is on the piano?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
