i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
