I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
