shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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