I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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