Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
