Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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