i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
