Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
