I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
sex in a hospital.. check
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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