does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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