Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
