I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
