That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
