I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
