Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
