I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
