He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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