I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
