I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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