Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
