Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
