It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
